For many, Pride is a loud, vibrant celebration—a parade of colors, music, and collective visibility. But for Helen Lawson, the meaning of Pride has evolved from the boisterous public displays of their younger years into something far more intimate, profound, and resilient. After the death of their partner of 31 years, Wallace Greene, in 2024, Helen found themselves navigating a labyrinth of profound isolation. Yet, through the shadows of bereavement, Helen emerged not only with a deeper understanding of their own non-binary identity but with a renewed appreciation for the transformative power of human connection.
Supported by the Shanti Project’s LGBTQ+ Aging and Abilities Support Network (LAASN), Helen’s story serves as a poignant reminder that no one is meant to face the complexities of life—or the weight of loss—in total solitude.
The Genesis of a Partnership: A Love Story Built on Community
The story of Helen and Wallace began in 1992 in the most ordinary of settings: a local grocery store. It was a chance encounter that blossomed into a three-decade partnership. A simple, intuitive nod from Helen was all it took to initiate a connection that would define their lives for the next 31 years.
Together, Helen and Wallace built a life that was deeply anchored in their local LGBTQ+ community. For years, the pair were fixtures at Pride parades, embodying the very spirit of the movement through their shared laughter, companionship, and commitment to one another. Theirs was a love that grew quietly and steadily, acting as a bedrock during the turbulent shifts in social and political tides that the community navigated throughout the late 20th and early 21st centuries.
“My partner of 31 years was my Pride,” Helen reflects, acknowledging that for decades, their identity and sense of belonging were inextricably linked to that partnership.
Chronology: From Partnership to Solitude, and the Path Toward Rebirth
The timeline of Helen’s recent years is one defined by radical change—both internal and external.
- 1992: Helen and Wallace meet in a grocery store, marking the start of a 31-year union.
- 2024: The passing of Wallace Greene leaves a void that initially pulls Helen into a state of reclusive grief.
- Late 2024: Amidst the process of grieving, Helen experiences a breakthrough in self-discovery, coming out as non-binary.
- 2025: Helen begins working with the Shanti Project’s LAASN program, meeting Danny, a Peer Support Volunteer who becomes a pivotal figure in their recovery.
- Present Day: Helen continues to identify as non-binary (he/they), finding that while Pride looks different, the support of community—specifically the friendship formed with Danny—has provided a lifeline back to joy.
The Architecture of Grief and the Discovery of Self
When Wallace passed in 2024, the world Helen had built for over thirty years seemed to fracture. The grief was not merely an emotional hurdle; it was a physical and psychological weight that led Helen to retreat from society. "Because of the prolonged grief, I became somewhat of a recluse," Helen explains. "I felt very disconnected from Pride."
However, it was within this period of intense introspection that Helen discovered a new facet of their identity. In the quiet aftermath of loss, the labels and expectations they had carried for decades began to shift, leading to their decision to come out as non-binary. "In my grieving, I came out as non-binary, which was very liberating," they note.
This transition—adopting he/they pronouns while retaining the name Helen—was not an ending to their previous life, but a refinement of it. It allowed Helen to step into a version of themselves that felt more authentic, even as they navigated the wreckage of their previous domestic reality.
The Role of Support Networks: The Shanti Project and Danny
The recovery process was facilitated in large part by the Shanti Project, an organization renowned for its dedication to peer support. Through the LGBTQ+ Aging and Abilities Support Network (LAASN), Helen was matched with Danny, a Peer Support Volunteer.
The relationship between Helen and Danny is not one of caregiver and client, but one of genuine, mutual human connection. Danny’s presence provided the stability Helen needed to rejoin the world. Their bond was tested early, notably during the loss of "Bright Eyes," the cat Helen and Wallace had shared for twelve years.
When it became clear that Bright Eyes needed to be put to sleep, Danny did not offer platitudes from a distance. He stood by Helen at the vet’s office, reading aloud from The Goodbye Book—a narrative that centers on the acceptance of loss. This act of presence, as Helen describes it, was a turning point. It proved that support, when delivered with empathy, is a profound intervention against the despair of isolation.
A Second Chance: Healing Through Shared Experience
One of the most evocative moments in Helen’s journey involved a theatrical production. Years ago, Wallace had taken Helen to see a play; at the time, Helen was struggling with substance use and was unable to fully appreciate or remember the experience. The regret of that "lost" evening lingered for years.
When the same play returned to town after Wallace’s death, Danny encouraged Helen to attend. Watching the performance alongside a new friend, rather than a romantic partner, allowed Helen to process the memory of the past while simultaneously creating a new, vibrant present.
"That experience was profound," Helen says. "I was grateful to have a second chance. I felt deeply connected to Wallace. I wish I got to experience it with Wallace—but I’m grateful I got to share it with Danny."
Implications for LGBTQ+ Aging and Community Care
Helen’s experience highlights a critical gap often overlooked in discussions of LGBTQ+ health: the necessity of sustained support for aging individuals who have lost their primary support systems.
According to the LGBTQ+ Aging and Abilities Support Network, social isolation is a primary driver of health decline among queer seniors. Peer support programs like those at Shanti are not "nice-to-haves"—they are essential infrastructure.
Data on LGBTQ+ Social Support
- Isolation Rates: LGBTQ+ seniors are statistically more likely to live alone and lack children or immediate family support compared to their heterosexual peers.
- Peer-Based Interventions: Research indicates that peer-led support models increase longevity, reduce symptoms of clinical depression, and improve overall quality of life by fostering a sense of belonging.
- The "Chosen Family" Dynamic: The evolution of the "chosen family" concept in queer communities remains the single most effective tool against systemic exclusion.
Helen’s friendship with Danny has even shifted their perspective on broader societal dynamics, including their appreciation for straight men—a demographic they previously viewed with more skepticism. This highlights how community support networks can break down barriers and foster unexpected bridges.
Official Perspective: Shanti’s Mission of "Adding Life"
The Shanti Project emphasizes that its work is about more than just managing crisis; it is about "adding life" to the years of those who have faced immense hardship.
"Shanti provides life in situations that are very dark," Helen remarks. "But also moments that are light, that are fun, and that are carefree."
This philosophy underscores the importance of the organization’s work. By facilitating companionship, helping with day-to-day tasks, and simply showing up, volunteers like Danny ensure that the aging process for LGBTQ+ individuals is not characterized by decline, but by continued engagement with the world.
Conclusion: A New Definition of Pride
For Helen Lawson, the definition of Pride has come full circle. It is no longer just about the struggle for rights or the public display of identity. It is, in its most distilled form, about the people who stay.
Pride is found in the weekly coffee chats, the shared memories, the support during the loss of a pet, and the courage to redefine oneself after thirty years. Helen’s story serves as a testament to the fact that while grief may change the shape of our lives, the right support—and the courage to accept it—can lead to a new, deeper, and more meaningful way of being.
Today, Helen walks forward with he/they pronouns and the quiet confidence of someone who has survived the darkest of nights, aided by a community that refused to let them walk alone. In this, Helen has found a new, resilient form of Pride: a connection that honors the past, embraces the present, and remains open to the possibilities of the future.
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