For many, Pride is a loud, jubilant celebration—a tapestry of parades, music, and collective visibility. But for Helen Lawson, the meaning of Pride has evolved from a shared public life to an introspective, deeply personal journey of survival, identity, and the enduring power of human connection. Through the heartbreak of losing a long-term partner and the subsequent quiet of isolation, Helen’s story serves as a poignant reminder that Pride is not merely a seasonal event, but a lifelong commitment to authentic living, even in the shadow of profound loss.
The Foundation of a Shared Life: 1992–2024
The story of Helen and Wallace Greene began in 1992, a meeting sparked by nothing more than a serendipitous encounter in a grocery store. A simple, silent nod between the two was all it took for Helen to initiate a conversation that would span over three decades. For 31 years, they built a life defined by companionship, mutual growth, and a shared presence within the LGBTQ+ community. They were fixtures at Pride parades, embodying the resilience and joy that defined a generation of queer love.
However, in 2024, the foundation of that life shifted irrevocably when Wallace passed away. The void left by such a long-term partner was not merely emotional; it was structural. Helen found themself adrift, retreating from the social circles that had once been their sanctuary. "Because of the prolonged grief, I became somewhat of a recluse," Helen recalls. "I felt very disconnected from Pride."
Chronology of Transformation: From Reclusion to Revelation
The period immediately following Wallace’s passing was marked by intense isolation. Yet, it was within the crucible of this grief that a secondary, equally profound transformation began to take root. As Helen navigated the complexities of mourning, they found the silence provided a new clarity regarding their own identity.
"In my grieving, I came out as non-binary, which was very liberating," Helen explains. This realization was not an end point, but a beginning. Today, Helen identifies as non-binary and uses he/they pronouns, while maintaining the name Helen. This evolution of self-identity during a time of immense sorrow highlights the non-linear, often unexpected nature of personal growth.
The path to rediscovery was further complicated by the loss of Bright Eyes, the cat Helen and Wallace had nurtured for 12 years. Losing a pet, especially one that served as a tangible link to a deceased partner, brought a fresh wave of bereavement. It was during these darkest hours that Shanti’s LGBTQ+ Aging and Abilities Support Network (LAASN) became a critical lifeline.
The Role of Peer Support: The Danny Factor
The intervention provided by Shanti is centered on the concept of "meeting people where they are." For Helen, this materialized in the form of Danny, a Peer Support Volunteer whose presence became a steadying force.
The relationship between Helen and Danny moved beyond the traditional parameters of volunteer support, blossoming into a genuine friendship. This was not a clinical or detached arrangement; it was rooted in the mundane and the meaningful. Danny assisted with daily tasks, shared in the observation of holiday traditions like viewing Christmas lights, and provided a safe space for conversation.
One specific instance of support stands out: when it came time to say goodbye to Bright Eyes, Danny did not shy away from the intensity of the moment. Instead, he accompanied Helen to the veterinary clinic, reading aloud from The Goodbye Book. By providing this steady, empathetic presence, Danny ensured that Helen did not have to face the finality of that loss alone.
A Second Chance: Healing Through Shared Memory
One of the most profound turning points in Helen’s recovery involved a play that Wallace had taken them to years prior. In that earlier time, Helen’s experience had been clouded by substance use, leaving them with a lingering sense of regret for not being fully present for the performance.
When the play returned to town after Wallace’s death, Danny encouraged Helen to attend. The experience was transformative. Sitting in the theater, Helen felt a bridge forming between the past and the present. "That experience was profound," Helen notes. "I was grateful to have a second chance."
This moment of catharsis allowed Helen to honor the memory of their partner while simultaneously forging a new, independent memory with Danny. It was an act of reclamation—a way to rewrite a narrative that had been marred by past struggles and reclaim it as a moment of healing. "I felt deeply connected to Wallace. I wish I got to experience it with Wallace—but I’m grateful I got to share it with Danny."
Implications for LGBTQ+ Aging and Support Services
The story of Helen and Danny underscores a critical, often overlooked aspect of the LGBTQ+ experience: the specific needs of aging members of the community who may face "lonely" or "isolated" grief.
The Necessity of Tailored Support
Data suggests that LGBTQ+ elders are more likely to live alone and have smaller support networks than their heterosexual counterparts. Organizations like Shanti, through the LAASN program, provide a vital service by filling the gaps left by traditional family structures. The success of the partnership between Helen and Danny demonstrates that:
- Peer-to-Peer Models Work: Matching volunteers with shared lived experiences or a deep capacity for empathy allows for a more personalized support system.
- Long-Term Engagement is Essential: Grief is not a finite process. The ongoing nature of Helen and Danny’s weekly meetings provided the stability necessary for long-term recovery.
- Holistic Support Matters: The volunteer’s willingness to engage in "life-adding" activities—such as attending theater or helping around the apartment—is just as important as the emotional support.
Shifting Perspectives on Connection
Helen’s journey has also prompted a reevaluation of their broader worldview. Through the lens of this friendship, Helen has developed a renewed appreciation for individuals outside their traditional demographic, specifically noting the empathy and generosity of straight allies. This dissolution of barriers is a testament to how grief, when met with compassionate support, can open doors to new understandings of community.
Conclusion: A Quieter, Deeper Pride
As the years move forward, Helen’s definition of Pride continues to mature. It is no longer defined strictly by the visibility of the movement, but by the quiet, internal strength of being one’s authentic self.
"Shanti adds life," Helen says, reflecting on the impact of the organization. "Shanti provides life in situations that are very dark—but also moments that are light, that are fun, and that are carefree."
Pride, for Helen, has returned to its roots: it is about the honoring of love, the embrace of one’s identity, and the courage to find community in the people who choose to stand by your side through life’s most difficult chapters. By sharing this story, Helen reminds us that while loss can indeed be a catalyst for isolation, it can also be the catalyst for a deeper, more intentional way of living—one where every moment, from a quiet chat to a theater performance, is a celebration of having survived.
For Helen, the partner they lost will always be their original "Pride," but in the act of surviving and connecting with the world again, they have found a new way to keep that flame alive.
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