For many, the annual celebration of Pride is a vibrant, public declaration of identity—a month of parades, rainbow-colored streets, and collective jubilation. But for Helen Lawson, a resident navigating the complex, often shadowed landscape of bereavement, the definition of Pride has undergone a profound metamorphosis. It has shifted from a public display of community to a deeply internal, quiet act of resilience and self-discovery.
Following the loss of their partner of 31 years, Wallace Greene, in 2024, Helen found themselves at a crossroads of identity and mourning. Through the support of Shanti’s LGBTQ+ Aging and Abilities Support Network (LAASN), Helen’s journey illustrates how the most significant acts of "pride" often occur in the sanctuary of intimate human connection, proving that even in the deepest wells of grief, one can find the strength to redefine who they are.
A Love Story: Three Decades of Shared Life
The story of Helen and Wallace began in 1992, sparked by a simple, serendipitous encounter in a local grocery store. It was a classic moment of modern romance: a shared glance, a subtle nod of interest, and the courage of Helen to initiate the first conversation.
What followed was a 31-year partnership built on the bedrock of mutual support and shared values. Over those three decades, the couple became fixtures in their local community, frequently participating in Pride parades and navigating the shifting tides of LGBTQ+ history together. For Helen, Wallace was not merely a romantic partner; they were a mirror, a witness, and a constant companion. As Helen poignantly reflects, “My partner of 31 years was my Pride.”
The Shadow of Loss and the Path to Rebirth
When Wallace passed away in 2024, the impact on Helen was immediate and devastating. The grief was not a linear process, but a tidal wave that threatened to pull them under. “Because of the prolonged grief, I became somewhat of a recluse,” Helen admits. “I felt very disconnected from Pride.”
Isolation is a common, yet dangerous, byproduct of senior bereavement. As the structure of daily life—once anchored by a partner—dissolved, Helen retreated from the public sphere. However, it was within this period of intense introspection that a new, transformative layer of self-awareness emerged.
In the quiet of their grief, Helen began to examine their own identity, ultimately coming out as non-binary. While the transition in pronouns (he/they) and the embrace of a new identity might seem daunting to some, for Helen, it was an act of liberation. It served as a reminder that the evolution of the self does not cease at a certain age, nor is it halted by sorrow. By claiming this identity, Helen began to carve out a new space for themselves in a world that suddenly felt very different.
The Role of Support: Shanti and the Power of Presence
Recognizing the necessity of external support, Helen turned to Shanti’s LGBTQ+ Aging and Abilities Support Network (LAASN). It was here that they were paired with Danny, a Peer Support Volunteer whose role would eventually extend far beyond simple companionship.
Danny’s presence proved to be the tether Helen needed to re-engage with the world. Their relationship is a testament to the effectiveness of peer-based support systems, which prioritize empathy over clinical detachment. “I don’t know if I could have made it without them,” Helen says. “The volunteers always meet me where I am.”
Chronology of Healing: Milestones in Connection
- 1992: Helen and Wallace meet; beginning of a 31-year partnership.
- 2024: The passing of Wallace Greene; Helen enters a period of intense grief and seclusion.
- Late 2024: Helen begins the process of coming out as non-binary, finding liberation in self-definition.
- 2024–2025: Helen engages with Shanti’s LAASN program, meeting Danny.
- 2025: A significant turning point occurs when Danny accompanies Helen to a theater production that had been a missed opportunity with Wallace years earlier.
- Present Day: A weekly routine of shared activities and conversation continues, signaling Helen’s successful navigation back into the community.
Turning Points: The Theater and the Cat
The healing process was not marked by grand gestures, but by the "small" moments of presence that slowly mended the fabric of Helen’s life. One such moment involved the loss of Bright Eyes, the beloved cat that Helen and Wallace had cared for together for 12 years. When the time came for the difficult final visit to the veterinarian, Danny was there. By reading aloud from The Goodbye Book—a narrative dedicated to the realities of love and loss—Danny provided a sense of safety and witness that allowed Helen to grieve without feeling alone.
Perhaps the most symbolic moment of recovery occurred at a local theater. Years ago, Wallace had taken Helen to see a play; unfortunately, at the time, Helen was struggling with substance use and could not fully appreciate the experience. The regret of that "lost" memory lingered for decades. When the production returned to town, Danny suggested they attend together.
For Helen, the evening was profound. It was an opportunity to reclaim a memory, to honor the past while simultaneously creating a new, healthy experience in the present. “I felt deeply connected to Wallace,” Helen says. “I wish I got to experience it with Wallace—but I’m grateful I got to share it with Danny.”
Implications for LGBTQ+ Aging
The experiences of individuals like Helen highlight a critical gap in our social fabric: the need for robust, specialized support for LGBTQ+ seniors. As the LGBTQ+ community ages, the challenges of bereavement are often compounded by historical trauma, social isolation, and the lack of traditional family support systems.
Shanti’s LAASN model serves as a vital blueprint for addressing these needs. By fostering intergenerational and peer-to-peer connections, organizations can help seniors transition through life’s hardest phases. Helen’s newfound friendship with Danny has also challenged their own perceptions, fostering a greater appreciation for empathy across the spectrum of identity. “Shanti adds life,” Helen explains. “Shanti provides life in situations that are very dark—but also moments that are light, that are fun, and that are carefree.”
A New Understanding of Pride
Today, Helen’s life is defined by a renewed sense of purpose. They continue to identify as non-binary and use he/they pronouns, carrying the legacy of Wallace in their heart while embracing the unfolding chapters of their own existence.
Pride, for Helen, is no longer just about the banners held high in the streets; it is about the quiet courage required to exist, to evolve, and to allow others to hold space for you when you are at your weakest. It is about the empathy of a volunteer who stays at the vet’s office, the joy of a shared theater experience, and the bravery of coming out at a time of life when many expect one to simply fade away.
As society continues to grapple with the realities of aging within marginalized communities, Helen’s story stands as a beacon. It reminds us that community is not merely a geographic location or a political affiliation; it is the collection of people who choose to stay by your side through the darkest moments of life. By finding connection in the aftermath of loss, Helen has reclaimed their pride—not as a slogan, but as a lived, breathing reality.
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