For Helen Lawson, the concept of "Pride" has never been a static definition. It is a living, breathing entity that has evolved alongside the chapters of their life. For over three decades, Pride was synonymous with a single person: Wallace Greene. Their love story, which began with a fleeting, hopeful nod in a grocery store aisle in 1992, spanned 31 years of shared history, community activism, and the simple, profound joy of companionship.
Today, however, Helen’s understanding of Pride is rooted in a new reality—one shaped by profound loss, the courageous discovery of their non-binary identity, and the life-saving intervention of the Shanti Project. This is the story of how one person navigated the darkest corridors of bereavement to find a renewed sense of self and the enduring power of community.
A Chronology of Love and Loss
The narrative of Helen and Wallace is one defined by quiet consistency. Their first meeting in 1992 was marked by a spark of intuition; Helen, recognizing a kindred spirit, made the first move. Over the next three decades, the pair became fixtures in their local community, frequently participating in Pride parades and building a life anchored in mutual support.
The timeline of their life together remained unbroken until 2024, when Wallace passed away. The loss was cataclysmic for Helen. "Because of the prolonged grief, I became somewhat of a recluse," Helen reflects. "I felt very disconnected from Pride." The isolation that followed the death of a long-term partner is a common but often invisible struggle among the LGBTQ+ aging population, a demographic that frequently lacks traditional support systems.
Yet, in the quietude of grief, Helen experienced a significant internal shift. Stripped of the daily structure of their partnership, Helen began to confront long-held questions about their own existence. "In my grieving, I came out as non-binary, which was very liberating," Helen explains. Now identifying as non-binary and using he/they pronouns, Helen has entered a phase of life where the focus has shifted from external performance to internal truth.
The Role of Peer Support: The Shanti Connection
The path back to engagement was not one Helen walked alone. Through the Shanti Project’s LGBTQ+ Aging and Abilities Support Network (LAASN), Helen was paired with Danny, a Peer Support Volunteer. This relationship would prove to be a cornerstone of Helen’s healing process.
Peer support is a specialized form of care that transcends traditional clinical interactions. By meeting individuals exactly where they are—whether in a state of profound despair or searching for a moment of normalcy—volunteers like Danny provide a bridge back to the social world. For Helen, Danny’s presence was the difference between isolation and connection.
"I don’t know if I could have made it without them," Helen says of the Shanti volunteers. "The volunteers always meet me where I am."
The depth of this support was tested when Helen faced another devastating blow: the loss of Bright Eyes, the cat they had shared with Wallace for 12 years. Recognizing that grief is not compartmentalized, Danny stepped in. At the veterinarian’s office, Danny stayed by Helen’s side, reading aloud The Goodbye Book—a poignant narrative on the inevitability of loss and the importance of not facing it alone. This act of companionship proved that support is rarely about grand gestures; it is about the quiet courage of bearing witness to another’s pain.
Reclaiming Memories: A Second Chance
The healing process continued through shared experiences that allowed Helen to reconcile the past with the present. One of the most significant moments in their recovery involved a theatrical performance. Years earlier, Wallace had taken Helen to see a play; however, Helen had been under the influence at the time, leaving them with a lingering regret for having missed the opportunity to truly experience the art form.
When the same production returned to town following Wallace’s passing, Danny suggested they attend. The experience was transformative. "That experience was profound," Helen shares. "I was grateful to have a second chance." By attending the play with Danny, Helen was able to honor the memory of their partner while creating a new, sober, and present-moment memory. It served as a symbolic closure to a chapter of regret, replaced by an appreciation for the present.
Implications for LGBTQ+ Aging and Mental Health
The trajectory of Helen’s experience highlights a critical issue in modern social services: the specific needs of the "silver generation" within the LGBTQ+ community. As individuals age, their social networks often shrink, and the death of a long-term partner can lead to acute social isolation.
Supporting the Aging LGBTQ+ Population
Data consistently shows that LGBTQ+ seniors are more likely to live alone and less likely to have children or family members who can provide care. The Shanti Project’s model of peer support addresses this by creating intentional, intergenerational, and supportive connections.
The implications of this work are broad:
- Combatting Social Isolation: Peer support programs provide a lifeline that clinical therapy alone cannot achieve, as it integrates the individual back into the social fabric.
- Identity Affirmation: Supporting individuals as they explore identity later in life is crucial. Helen’s transition to non-binary identity during the grieving process illustrates that personal growth does not stop at a certain age.
- Redefining Pride: For many, the commercialized version of Pride is not enough. The case of Helen Lawson suggests that true Pride for the aging population is often found in the quiet, resilient maintenance of connection and the dignity of being seen.
Official Perspectives: Shanti’s Philosophy of "Adding Life"
The Shanti Project emphasizes a philosophy that extends beyond basic survival. As Helen notes, "Shanti adds life. Shanti provides life in situations that are very dark—but also moments that are light, that are fun, and that are carefree."
This perspective shifts the focus of social services from mere crisis management to the fostering of joy and companionship. By providing volunteers who are trained to be empathetic and generous-hearted, organizations can help seniors navigate the complexities of grief. Helen credits their friendship with Danny for shifting their perception of broader society, noting that the experience has given them a newfound appreciation for those outside their immediate demographic—a testament to the power of human connection to bridge perceived divides.
Conclusion: A New Definition of Pride
Today, Helen Lawson’s life is a testament to the fact that grief and growth are not mutually exclusive. While their life looks different than it did in 1992, the core tenets remain the same: connection, honesty, and community.
Pride, for Helen, is no longer just about the parades or the collective movement. It has become a personal, quiet, and deeply profound acknowledgment of one’s ability to survive and thrive. It is the ability to honor a 31-year love story while simultaneously embracing a new, authentic identity.
As Helen continues to spend time with Danny—talking, laughing, and sharing the weekly rhythms of life—they serve as a reminder that no one has to face the twilight of their years, or the storms of their grief, in solitude. In the end, the most enduring form of Pride is found in the people who stay beside you when the world feels empty, proving that while love may change form, it never truly leaves us.
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