For Helen Lawson, the concept of "Pride" has never been a static idea. It is a tapestry woven from three decades of companionship, the profound silence of bereavement, and the quiet, courageous act of defining oneself anew. As the LGBTQ+ community celebrates its history and future each June, Lawson’s story serves as a poignant reminder that Pride is not merely a public spectacle; it is a deeply personal journey of resilience, self-discovery, and the vital importance of community support.
The Foundation: Three Decades of Shared Life
The story of Helen Lawson and Wallace Greene began in 1992, in the mundane setting of a neighborhood grocery store. It was a brief, transformative encounter—a simple nod, a moment of recognition, and a proactive step by Lawson to bridge the distance. That initial connection blossomed into a thirty-one-year partnership that defined the better part of Lawson’s adult life.
For over three decades, Lawson and Greene were a fixture of mutual devotion. They navigated the complexities of life together, building a home and a shared identity. They were active participants in the LGBTQ+ community, frequently marching in Pride parades—public displays of their commitment to each other and to the visibility of their community. To Lawson, Greene was not just a partner; they were the physical embodiment of Pride itself.
Chronology of Change: Grief and Self-Discovery
The stability of that life was irrevocably altered in 2024 with the passing of Wallace Greene. The loss left a void that permeated every aspect of Lawson’s existence.
"Because of the prolonged grief, I became somewhat of a recluse," Lawson explains. "I felt very disconnected from Pride."
The withdrawal was a natural defense mechanism against the sharpness of bereavement, but it also became a crucible for transformation. In the quiet solitude of mourning, Lawson began a process of introspection that led to a profound internal revelation. Amidst the sorrow, Lawson realized that their gender identity did not align with the labels they had carried for years. Lawson came out as non-binary, a realization they describe as "very liberating."
Today, Lawson identifies as non-binary and utilizes he/they pronouns, while choosing to retain the name Helen. This evolution of identity, occurring in the wake of such a significant loss, highlights a universal truth about the human experience: growth often occurs in the most challenging of seasons.
The Role of Shanti: Bridging the Gap
As Lawson navigated the dual challenges of mourning a life partner and embracing a new identity, the isolation became overwhelming. It was during this period that Lawson connected with the Shanti Project, specifically their LGBTQ+ Aging and Abilities Support Network (LAASN).
The LAASN program is designed to provide emotional and practical support to LGBTQ+ individuals facing life-altering health or bereavement challenges. Through this program, Lawson was paired with Danny, a Peer Support Volunteer. This relationship would prove to be the lifeline that helped Lawson re-engage with the world.
The Anatomy of Peer Support
The relationship between Lawson and Danny is built on the philosophy of "meeting people where they are." Unlike clinical interventions, peer support is rooted in radical presence. Danny did not attempt to "fix" Lawson’s grief; instead, he stood beside them as they navigated the layers of loss.
One of the most harrowing moments in this timeline was the loss of Bright Eyes, a cat that had been a shared companion to Lawson and Greene for 12 years. When the time came to euthanize the beloved pet, Danny was present at the veterinary clinic. In a gesture of profound empathy, he read aloud from The Goodbye Book, a story that provides a framework for processing loss. This act of presence signaled to Lawson that they were no longer walking the path of grief alone.
Supporting Data: The Vital Need for LGBTQ+ Aging Services
The challenges faced by Helen Lawson are representative of a larger, systemic issue within the LGBTQ+ community. Research indicates that LGBTQ+ elders are significantly more likely to live alone and lack the traditional family support structures that their heterosexual counterparts often rely on.
According to data from the Williams Institute and various aging advocacy groups:
- Isolation Rates: LGBTQ+ older adults are twice as likely to be single and live alone compared to heterosexual seniors.
- Caregiver Gaps: LGBTQ+ individuals are less likely to have children, leading to a "care gap" where the responsibility for care falls heavily on informal support networks like Shanti.
- Mental Health Impact: Grief in the context of LGBTQ+ relationships can be compounded by "disenfranchised grief"—a sense that one’s loss is not fully recognized or validated by society.
Programs like LAASN serve as a critical buffer, mitigating the risks of depression, cognitive decline, and physical deterioration associated with social isolation in the aging LGBTQ+ population.
Official Perspective: The "Shanti" Effect
When asked about the impact of the organization, Lawson’s assessment is simple yet profound: "Shanti adds life."
The volunteers at Shanti are trained to provide more than just basic assistance; they are trained to provide companionship. For Lawson, this manifested in small, consistent acts: helping around the apartment, viewing Christmas lights, and engaging in the simple, rhythmic act of weekly conversation. These interactions served as an anchor, drawing Lawson back from the isolation of reclusivity.
The most poignant example of this therapeutic connection occurred regarding a local theatrical production. Years ago, Greene had taken Lawson to see a play; at the time, Lawson was under the influence and failed to fully appreciate or remember the experience. When the same production returned to the city after Greene’s death, Danny suggested they attend together.
"That experience was profound," Lawson notes. "I was grateful to have a second chance." For Lawson, sitting in that theater was a bridge between the past and the present—a way to honor the memory of a lost partner while building a new, meaningful experience with a support volunteer.
Implications: A New Definition of Pride
The trajectory of Helen Lawson’s life—from a thirty-year partnership to the depths of grief and the subsequent blossoming of a non-binary identity—offers a vital lesson for the broader LGBTQ+ community.
1. The Redefinition of Pride
For Lawson, Pride is no longer defined solely by parades or political movements. It has shifted into a quieter, more personal space. It is the act of staying true to one’s self while acknowledging the people who refuse to leave your side during your darkest hours.
2. The Importance of Intergenerational and Cross-Identity Connection
Lawson admits that their friendship with Danny has fostered a new appreciation for straight allies. The ability to find common ground across identity lines is a cornerstone of the Shanti model, proving that empathy is a universal language that can transcend societal divides.
3. The Necessity of Holistic Support Systems
The success of Lawson’s journey suggests that health and well-being for LGBTQ+ seniors cannot be managed in a vacuum. It requires a holistic approach that addresses emotional, psychological, and practical needs. By providing a structure where volunteers can offer companionship, organizations like Shanti are not just providing social services; they are effectively saving lives.
Conclusion
Helen Lawson’s story is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit. It serves as a reminder that even when the light of a primary relationship is extinguished, there is a capacity for renewal. By embracing a new identity and accepting the hand of community support, Lawson has found a way to honor the past while stepping firmly into the present.
As we look at the broader implications for the LGBTQ+ aging population, the takeaway is clear: the strength of a community is measured not just by its loudest celebrations, but by its capacity to care for its members in their quietest, most vulnerable moments. Through the work of individuals like Danny and organizations like Shanti, the spirit of Pride is kept alive—one act of presence, one shared moment, and one life at a time.
About the Author
