A significant portion of cancer patients are parents, underscoring the critical need for accessible support systems for children and families during this challenging period.
Introduction: The Unseen Impact of Cancer on Families
A cancer diagnosis is a life-altering event that ripples through every member of a family. For parents, the immediate concern often shifts from their own health to the well-being of their children. A recent study published by the National Institutes of Health (NIH) highlights the profound reality of this challenge: up to 25% of cancer patients are parents to children under 18. This statistic underscores the urgent need for readily available resources to help families navigate the complex emotional, psychological, and practical hurdles that arise when a parent is battling cancer.
This comprehensive guide, compiled with insights from mental health and child development experts, offers a curated selection of books designed to support children, teens, and adults alike. These resources aim to demystify cancer, provide tools for coping with a parent’s illness, and offer guidance on navigating grief and loss. The National Breast Cancer Foundation (NBCF) is committed to providing support to families facing this adversity, recognizing that no family should have to navigate this journey alone.
The Importance of Age-Appropriate Resources
Understanding and processing a parent’s cancer diagnosis requires tailored approaches based on a child’s developmental stage. The recommended books are meticulously organized by age group, ensuring that information is presented in a way that is both comprehensible and reassuring for young children, adolescents, and the adults supporting them.
- For Adults: These resources provide parents and caregivers with practical advice and strategies for communicating with children about cancer, managing their own emotional well-being, and fostering resilience within the family unit.
- For Teens: Adolescence is a period of significant emotional and social development. Books for teens address the unique challenges they face, including feelings of fear, anger, responsibility, and the complexities of grief.
- For Children: This section offers a range of books designed to explain cancer in simple terms, validate their feelings, and equip them with coping mechanisms. The selection is further categorized to address specific scenarios, such as when a mother or father is diagnosed, and includes resources in Spanish and activity books to engage younger readers.
Expert Endorsement and Accessibility
The book recommendations within this guide have been carefully reviewed and endorsed by esteemed medical experts, including Dr. Wendy Harpham, a renowned authority on cancer survivorship and patient education, and Kelsey Mora, CCLS, LCPC, a specialist in child life and licensed professional counselor. Their expertise ensures that the recommended literature is not only informative but also psychologically sound and beneficial for families.
Furthermore, many of these valuable resources are available free of charge through the Bright Reads program, a collaboration with the Bright Spot Network. Families facing cancer can request books directly through their program, alleviating financial burdens and ensuring access to essential support. Additional free resources for families facing cancer can also be found at nbcf.org/parents.
Navigating the Journey: A Structured Approach to Support
The following sections delve into the specific book recommendations, organized by age and thematic relevance, providing a roadmap for families seeking guidance and comfort.
Books for Adults: Empowering Parents and Caregivers
The emotional toll of a cancer diagnosis extends to the entire family, and parents often grapple with the dual responsibility of managing their own health crisis while shielding their children from undue distress. The books listed below are designed to equip parents with the knowledge and tools to effectively support their children through this tumultuous period.
Helping Children Through a Loved One’s Cancer Diagnosis
This collection focuses on empowering parents with the communication strategies and emotional support necessary to guide their children.
- Helping Your Children Cope with Your Cancer by Peter VanDerNoot: This book offers practical advice for parents on how to talk to their children about their diagnosis, treatment, and the emotional impact of cancer. It emphasizes honesty, reassurance, and age-appropriate communication.
- How to Help Children Through a Parent’s Serious Illness: Supportive, Practical Advice from a Leading Child Life Specialist by Kathleen McCue: A comprehensive guide that addresses the myriad of concerns parents may have when a serious illness strikes. McCue provides actionable steps for fostering a supportive environment and minimizing the disruption to a child’s life.
- How to Talk to Your Kids About Cancer by Sara Olsher: This resource offers straightforward and empathetic guidance on discussing cancer with children. It provides scripts and talking points to help parents navigate difficult conversations with honesty and sensitivity.
- Kids Worry Too: A Guide for Adults Helping Children Understand Hospitalization by Nebraska Medicine: Available as an online download in both English and Spanish, this guide specifically addresses the anxieties children experience when a loved one is hospitalized. It offers simple explanations and coping strategies.
- Pickles Family Cancer Support Kit by Pickles Group: This downloadable kit provides a wealth of resources, including activity sheets, conversation starters, and educational materials designed to help families communicate and cope together.
- Raising An Emotionally Healthy Child When a Parent is Sick by Paula K. Rauch: This book focuses on the emotional development of children during a parent’s illness. It provides insights into recognizing and addressing children’s emotional needs, fostering their resilience and well-being.
- Talking to Children and Teenagers When an Adult has Cancer by MacMillan Cancer Support: A downloadable resource from a leading UK cancer charity, offering practical advice tailored for different age groups, from young children to teenagers.
- What Do I Tell the Kids? by The Cancer Support Community: This downloadable guide provides clear and concise answers to common questions parents may have about explaining cancer to their children, offering reassurance and support.
- When a Parent Has Cancer: A Guide to Caring for Your Children by Wendy S. Harpham: This book serves as a companion to the children’s book Becky and the Worry Cup and offers in-depth guidance for parents on how to manage the challenges of parenting while undergoing cancer treatment.
Books for Teens: Addressing Adolescent Concerns
Adolescence is a period marked by evolving identities and increasing independence, making a parent’s cancer diagnosis particularly complex for teenagers. They may experience a wide range of emotions, from anger and confusion to a sense of premature responsibility. The following resources are curated to resonate with their unique needs.
Having a Parent with Cancer
These books acknowledge the specific emotional landscape of teenagers whose parents are battling cancer, offering relatable narratives and practical advice.
- Both Sides Now (a novel) by Ruth Pennebaker: This fictional work offers a compelling narrative that allows teenagers to explore the emotional complexities of having a parent with cancer through the eyes of a character their age.
- My Parent Has Cancer and It Really Sucks by Marc Silver: This straightforward and honest book validates the difficult emotions teenagers may experience. It provides relatable insights and coping strategies for dealing with the realities of a parent’s illness.
- When Your Parent Has Cancer: A Guide for Teens by National Institutes of Health: This downloadable resource from the NIH offers direct and supportive advice for teenagers, addressing their concerns about the disease, treatment, and its impact on family life.
Grief
The prospect of loss, or the actual experience of grief, is a profound challenge for teenagers. These books offer a pathway to understanding and processing these difficult emotions.
- Healing Your Grieving Heart for Teens: 100 Practical Ideas by Alan Wolfelt: This book provides tangible strategies and activities to help teenagers navigate the grieving process. It emphasizes self-care and healthy coping mechanisms.
- Healing Your Grieving Heart Journal for Teens by Alan Wolfelt: A companion journal that encourages teens to express their feelings, thoughts, and memories in a safe and private space, aiding in their emotional processing.
- It Won’t Ever Be the Same: A Teen’s Guide to Grief and Grieving by Korie Leigh: This book offers a sensitive and relatable exploration of grief for teenagers, acknowledging that loss changes life irrevocably and providing guidance on how to move forward.
- Motherless Daughters: The Legacy of Loss by Hope Edelman (for young adults): While focused on the loss of a mother, this book offers profound insights into the long-term impact of grief and can be a valuable resource for young adults grappling with the potential or actual loss of a parent.
Books for Children: Supporting Young Hearts and Minds
For young children, understanding a parent’s cancer diagnosis can be particularly daunting. These books aim to simplify complex information, validate their feelings, and provide a sense of security and hope.
Having a Parent with Cancer
This extensive section addresses various facets of a parent’s cancer journey, from understanding the disease itself to managing emotions and specific scenarios.
Understanding Cancer
- Cancer Party!: Explain Cancer, Chemo, and Radiation to Kids in a Totally Non-Scary Way by Sara Olsher: This book uses accessible language and a positive approach to explain the basics of cancer, chemotherapy, and radiation, demystifying medical terms for young children.
- Chemotherapy 101 for Kids: An Easy to Understand Guide for Children about Chemotherapy by Chelsey Gomez: This resource provides a clear and simple explanation of chemotherapy, focusing on what children can expect and how it helps their parent.
- I Have a Question about Cancer: Clear Answers for All Kids, Including Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder or Other Special Needs by Arlen Grad Gaines (Ages 6-9): This book offers direct answers to common questions children may have about cancer, with particular attention to the needs of children with autism spectrum disorder.
- Our Family Has Cancer, Too by Christine Clifford (Ages 9-12): This book is geared towards older children, offering a more detailed exploration of how cancer affects the entire family and providing strategies for coping.
- Someone You Love Has Cancer: A Child’s Guide to Understanding by Robin Martin Duttmann (Ages 2-10): This gentle book helps young children understand that someone they love has cancer and reassures them that it’s okay to have questions and feelings.
- The Very Naughty Cell by Lily Sacks-Hubbard (Ages 2-12): This imaginative story personifies cancer cells in a way that young children can understand, making the concept less abstract and frightening.
- What Happens When Someone I Love Has Cancer? by Sara Olsher (Ages 4-10): A helpful guide for parents and children, this book provides answers to common questions and offers reassurance during a difficult time.
Feelings and Cancer
- Dealing with Feelings Series by Elizabeth Crary (Ages 3-8): This series offers practical tools and strategies for children to identify, understand, and express their emotions in healthy ways, crucial for navigating the emotional rollercoaster of a parent’s illness.
- Self-Calming Cards: A deck of cards with bilingual instructions designed to help children learn self-soothing techniques, providing immediate comfort and coping skills.
Moms with Cancer
- The Adventure Jar: A Story of Magic for Families Living with Metastatic Breast Cancer: Developed in collaboration with the metastatic breast cancer community, this online download offers a magical narrative to help children cope with a mother’s breast cancer diagnosis.
- Becky and the Worry Cup by Wendy S. Harpham (Ages 6-10): This story addresses the worries children may have when their mother has cancer, offering comfort and a way to express their fears.
- The Big Discovery: Assisting Families Through a Breast Cancer Diagnosis by Ashley Dedmon (Ages 5-14): This book helps families communicate about breast cancer, offering support and understanding.
- Butterfly Kisses and Wishes on Wings by Ellen McVicker (Ages 4-8; also available in Spanish): A heartwarming story about a mother with cancer, focusing on love, hope, and the special bond between a mother and child.
- The Hope Tree: Kids Talk About Breast Cancer by Laura Numeroff & Wendy S. Harpham (Ages 4-8): This book shares the experiences of children whose mothers have breast cancer, offering a sense of community and understanding.
- Making Happy by Sheetal Sheth (Ages 6-10): This story focuses on finding joy and happiness even amidst difficult circumstances, promoting resilience in children.
- Nowhere Hair by Sue Glader (Ages 4-8; also available in Spanish): This book addresses hair loss due to cancer treatment in a sensitive and reassuring way, helping children understand and cope with this visible change.
- The Paper Chain by Claire Blake, Eliza Blanchard & Kathy Parkinson (Ages 6-9): This story beautifully illustrates how families can come together to support each other during a mother’s cancer journey.
Dads with Cancer
- My Dad and the Dragon by Montserrat Coughlin Kim: This book uses a metaphor of a dragon to help children understand and cope with their father’s cancer, making the experience more relatable and less frightening.
In Spanish
- Besos de Mariposa y Deseos con Alas-Cuando (Butterfly Kisses and Wishes on Wings) by Ellen Vicker: The Spanish translation of the heartwarming story about a mother with cancer, ensuring accessibility for Spanish-speaking families.
- Qué pasa cuando una persona que amo tiene cáncer (What Happens When Someone I Love Can’t Get Better) by Sara Olsher (Ages 4-10): The Spanish version of this helpful guide provides clear answers and reassurance to children in their native language.
Activity Books
- The Dot Method – an interactive workbook to teach kids about cancer by Kelsey Mora: This engaging workbook uses creative activities to help children understand cancer and its effects in a hands-on way.
- Life Isn’t Always A Day At the Beach: A Book for All Children Whose Lives Are Affected by Cancer by Pam Ganz: This book offers a gentle approach to understanding the impact of cancer on daily life, with activities to help children express their feelings.
- My Life, Their Illness Activity Book from Canadian Virtual Hospice (Ages 6-12; online download): This downloadable activity book provides a structured way for children to process their thoughts and feelings about a parent’s illness.
- Talking with My Treehouse Friends About Cancer: An Activity Book for Children of Parents with Cancer by Peter R. van Dernoot (Ages 6-12): This activity book encourages children to talk about their experiences and feelings with peers and family, fostering a sense of connection and support.
- When Someone Has a Very Serious Illness: Children Can Learn to Cope with Loss and Change by Marge Heegaard (Ages 9-12): This book, accompanied by activities, helps older children understand and cope with the changes and potential loss associated with a serious illness.
Coping
Beyond understanding cancer, children need tools to manage the emotional fallout and adapt to changing family dynamics.
Separation
- The Invisible String by Patrice Karst (Ages 4-8): This beloved book reassures children that even when physically apart from loved ones, their connection remains strong, a vital message for children dealing with hospital visits or parental absence.
- The Kissing Hand by Audrey Penn (Ages 3-8): This story offers comfort to children experiencing separation anxiety, highlighting the enduring love and connection between parent and child.
- That’s Me Loving You by Amy Krouse Rosenthal (Ages 3-8): This book celebrates the enduring love of a parent, reminding children that they are always loved, even when their parent is not physically present.
- Wherever You Are: My Love Will Find You by Nancy Tillman (Ages 4-8): A tender story that assures children of a parent’s unwavering love, no matter the distance or circumstances.
- You’ll Find Me by Amanda R. Hill (Ages 5-9): This book offers a comforting narrative about a parent’s presence and love, even when they are not physically there.
Resilience
- Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day by Judith Viorst (Ages 4-9): A classic story that normalizes bad days and teaches children that even on the worst days, things can eventually get better.
- Nothing Stays the Same, But That’s Okay by Sara Olsher (Ages 2-11): This book addresses the reality of change in a gentle and reassuring way, helping children understand that even difficult transitions can be managed.
- Ruby Finds a Worry by Tom Percival: This story beautifully illustrates how worries can grow but also how sharing them can make them smaller, empowering children to confront their anxieties.
Understanding and Expressing Emotions
- The Boy with Big, Big Feelings by Brittany Winn Lee (Ages 3-6): This book helps young children identify and understand their big emotions, providing them with language to express what they are feeling.
- The Feelings Book by Todd Parr (Ages 1-3): With its bright illustrations and simple language, this book helps very young children recognize and name a variety of emotions.
- In My Heart: A Book of Feelings by Jo Witek (Ages 2-6): This interactive book explores a wide range of feelings, helping children understand that all emotions are valid.
- The Rabbit Listened by Cori Doerrfeld (Ages 2+): This story emphasizes the importance of listening and validating feelings, showing children that it’s okay to feel sad and that someone will be there for them.
- The Way I Feel by Janan Cain (Ages 3-6): This book provides simple, relatable descriptions of various emotions, helping children connect with and express their feelings.
Activity Books
- My Book About Cancer by Rebecca C. Schmidt, M.Ed. (Ages 3-8): This activity book provides a space for children to draw, write, and express their thoughts and feelings about cancer.
- When Someone You Know Has Cancer: An “Arthur” Activity Book by Dr. Paula Rausch (Ages 3-10; online download): Based on the popular children’s show, this activity book uses familiar characters to help children understand and cope with a loved one’s cancer.
Death and Grief
The potential for loss or the experience of death within the family is one of the most challenging aspects of a cancer journey. These resources offer sensitive guidance for children and families.
Coping
- ABCs of Grief Series by Jessica Correnti: This series offers age-appropriate explanations of grief and coping strategies for children.
- The Adventures of Peighten & Gingerbread: Navigating Cancer Diagnosis and Developing Coping Strategies for Grief by Feryn Heth (Ages 3-9): This story uses a narrative approach to help young children understand cancer and develop coping mechanisms for grief.
- Always By My Side by Susan Kerner (Ages 4-8): This book provides reassurance and comfort to children experiencing loss, emphasizing the enduring presence of love.
- Everywhere, Still: A Book About Loss, Grief, and the Way Love Continues by M.H. Clark (Ages 5+): This poetic book explores the multifaceted nature of grief and the enduring power of love.
- The Fall of Freddie the Leaf by Leo Buscaglia (Ages 4+): A classic parable that uses the metaphor of leaves falling to explain the natural cycle of life and death in a gentle and philosophical way.
- Goodbye: A First Conversation About Death by Megan Madison (Ages 2-5): This book offers a simple and compassionate introduction to the concept of death for very young children.
- The Goodbye Book by Todd Parr (Ages 3-6): This book addresses the feelings associated with saying goodbye, validating children’s emotions during times of loss.
- I Have a Question About Death: Clear Answers for All Kids, including Children with Autism Spectrum Disorder or Other Special Needs by Arlen Grad Gaines: Similar to the cancer version, this book provides direct answers to children’s questions about death.
- I Miss You: A First Look at Death by Pat Thomas and Leslie Harker (Ages 4-8): This book offers a gentle and reassuring approach to explaining death to young children, addressing their questions and fears.
- Ida, Always by Caron Levis (Ages 4-8): A tender story about friendship, loss, and the process of grieving.
- Lifetimes: A Beautiful Way to Explain Death to Children by Bryan Mellonie (Ages 5+): This book provides a simple and profound explanation of the concept of life and death, reassuring children that loss is a natural part of life.
- The Memory Box: A Book About Grief by Joanna Rowland (Ages 4-9): This book encourages children to create a memory box to help them process their grief and keep their loved one close.
- More Than Sad: Feelings After Someone Special Dies by Laura Camerona (Ages 4-12): This resource helps children understand that grief is a complex emotion and provides strategies for coping.
- The Next Place by Warren Hanson (Ages 5+): This book offers a hopeful perspective on what happens after death, providing comfort to children grappling with loss.
- One Wave at a Time: A Story About Grief and Healing by Holly Thompson (Ages 4-8): This story illustrates how healing from grief is a gradual process, like riding waves.
- Something Very Sad Happened: A Toddler’s Guide to Understanding Death by Bonnie Zucker (Ages 2-4): This book provides very young children with simple language and concepts to begin understanding death.
- Tear Soup: A Recipe for Healing After Loss by Pat Schwiebert (Ages 8+): This book uses a metaphorical recipe to explain the process of grief and healing in a way that is accessible to older children.
- What Does Grief Feel Like? by Korie Leigh (Ages 3-8): This book helps children understand that grief can manifest in many different ways and that all feelings are valid.
- What Happens When Someone I Love Can’t Get Better? by Sara Olsher (Ages 4-10; online download): This guide helps children understand and cope with the reality of a loved one’s serious illness.
- What Happens When Someone I Love Doesn’t Feel Good? by Sara Olsher (Ages 4-10; online download): A gentle resource for children to understand when a loved one is unwell and what that means.
- What on Earth Do You Do When Someone Dies? by Trevor Romain (Ages 5-10): This book offers practical advice and reassurance for children dealing with the death of a loved one.
- When Dinosaurs Die: A Guide to Understanding Death by Laurie Kransy Brown and Marc Brown (Ages 4-7): This engaging book uses the popular dinosaur theme to explain death in a way that is accessible and comforting to young children.
- When Someone Dies: A Children’s Mindful How-To-Guide on Grief and Loss by Andrea Dorn (Ages 4-10): This guide combines mindfulness techniques with practical advice for children navigating grief.
- Where Are You? A Child’s Book About Loss by Laura Olivieri (Ages 4-8): This story offers comfort and reassurance to children experiencing loss, emphasizing the continued presence of love.
- Why Do I Feel So Sad? A Grief Book for Children by Tracy Lambert-Prater (Ages 5-7): This book helps children identify and understand their sadness related to grief.
Activity Books
- Help Me Say Goodbye: Activities for Helping Kids Cope When a Special Person Dies by Janis Silverman (Ages 5-8): This book provides a variety of activities designed to help children process their grief and express their feelings.
- Muddles, Puddles and Sunshine: Your Activity Book to Help When Someone Has Died (Early Years) by Diana Crossley (Ages 3-6): This activity book uses a playful approach to help very young children understand and express their feelings about loss.
- When Someone Very Special Dies: Children Can Learn to Cope with Grief by Marge Heegaard (Ages 9-12): This book, along with its activities, helps older children understand the grieving process and develop coping mechanisms.
Additional Resources: A Network of Support
The National Breast Cancer Foundation (NBCF) is dedicated to providing comprehensive support to individuals and families navigating the complexities of a breast cancer diagnosis. We understand that the journey extends beyond medical treatment, encompassing emotional well-being and the needs of every family member.
NBCF is here for parents facing cancer; you are not alone in this journey. For more free resources to help guide children through a parent’s cancer diagnosis, visit nbcf.org/parents.
In addition to NBCF, numerous organizations are committed to the emotional well-being of children and families who have a parent facing cancer. These organizations offer invaluable support, educational programs, and community connections. Consider exploring partnerships with:
- The Bright Spot Network: As mentioned, this organization plays a crucial role in providing free books through their Bright Reads program, directly supporting families with vital literature.
- Cancer Support Community: This organization offers a wide range of programs and resources, including online support, educational materials, and community gatherings, specifically designed for individuals and families affected by cancer.
- The National Cancer Institute (NCI): As a leading federal agency, the NCI provides extensive information on cancer, including resources for families and children, often available through their website and publications.
- Local Children’s Hospitals and Cancer Centers: Many healthcare institutions have dedicated child life specialists and psychosocial support teams who can offer personalized guidance and resources to families.
National Breast Cancer Foundation is here for you—and your family—as you navigate a breast cancer diagnosis. Visit our website to learn about NBCF breast cancer support groups, obtain free educational resources, or find a patient navigator in your area. By leveraging these resources, families can build a strong foundation of support, fostering resilience and hope throughout their cancer journey.
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