For many, the month of June is synonymous with vibrant parades, rainbow flags, and boisterous celebrations of identity. But for Helen Lawson, a long-time member of the LGBTQ+ community, the true essence of Pride has never been found in a marching band or a crowded float. For over three decades, Pride was found in the quiet, steady rhythm of a life shared with a partner.
Following the profound loss of their partner, Wallace Greene, in 2024, Helen’s world fractured. Yet, in the silent, heavy aftermath of bereavement, a new chapter began to unfold—one defined not by public spectacle, but by the transformative power of community support, the courage of self-discovery, and the unexpected beauty of new connections.
The Architecture of a Life: A Love Story
The story of Helen and Wallace began in 1992 in the aisles of a local grocery store. It was a classic, understated meet-cute: a simple nod, a moment of recognition, and the initiative taken by Helen to bridge the gap between strangers. That singular interaction blossomed into a 31-year partnership, a testament to enduring love that predated the widespread legal recognition of same-sex unions.
Throughout their three decades together, Helen and Wallace built a life characterized by companionship and community involvement. They were staples at local Pride events, viewing those moments as a public acknowledgment of their private devotion. For Helen, the concept of "Pride" was inextricably linked to Wallace. "My partner of 31 years was my Pride," Helen reflects. It was a partnership that served as their anchor, their witness, and their home.
Chronology of Transition: From Loss to Liberation
The death of Wallace in 2024 served as a seismic event in Helen’s life. The grief that followed was not merely an emotional hurdle; it was a physical and social barrier.
- 1992: Helen and Wallace meet, beginning a 31-year partnership.
- 1992–2023: Decades of shared growth, community activism, and participation in Pride parades.
- 2024: Wallace passes away, plunging Helen into a period of deep isolation and "profound" grief.
- Mid-2024: During the darkest phase of mourning, Helen experiences a pivotal shift in personal identity, coming out as non-binary.
- Late 2024 – Present: Through Shanti’s LGBTQ+ Aging and Abilities Support Network (LAASN), Helen is paired with Danny, a Peer Support Volunteer, facilitating a journey of healing and renewed social connection.
"Because of the prolonged grief, I became somewhat of a recluse," Helen admits. "I felt very disconnected from Pride." However, in the stillness of that solitude, the internal noise of the world faded, allowing Helen to listen to a voice they had suppressed for years. "In my grieving, I came out as non-binary, which was very liberating."
Today, Helen identifies as non-binary, using he/they pronouns while retaining their name. This evolution of self has redefined their relationship with the LGBTQ+ community, shifting the focus from external validation to internal authenticity.
The Role of Support Systems: The Shanti Intervention
The transition from profound isolation back into the world is rarely a solitary endeavor. For Helen, the bridge back to living was constructed by Shanti, an organization dedicated to providing compassionate, human-centered care for those facing life-threatening illnesses or extreme isolation.
Through Shanti’s LAASN program, Helen was paired with Danny, a volunteer whose presence would become a lifeline. When asked about the impact of this support, Helen is unequivocal: "I don’t know if I could have made it without them. The volunteers always meet me where I am."
This support was not theoretical; it was tactile and deeply personal. When the couple’s 12-year-old cat, Bright Eyes—a living, breathing connection to the life Helen and Wallace had built—needed to be euthanized, Danny was there. Danny accompanied Helen to the veterinary office, providing a steadying presence as they read The Goodbye Book aloud. This act of communal grieving transformed a moment of solitary devastation into a shared human experience, affirming that no one needs to face the end of a chapter alone.
Reclaiming the Past: A Second Chance at Memory
The healing process often involves reconciling with the past. A poignant example of this occurred when Danny invited Helen to attend a theatrical performance—the very same play Wallace had taken Helen to see years earlier.
The original experience had been clouded by substance use, leaving Helen with a lingering sense of regret for having failed to fully appreciate the art or the moment. Returning to the theater with Danny served as a form of temporal repair. "That experience was profound," Helen says. "I was grateful to have a second chance."
This evening was a synthesis of memory and new reality. It allowed Helen to mourn the missed opportunities of the past while simultaneously celebrating the support of the present. "I felt deeply connected to Wallace. I wish I got to experience it with Wallace—but I’m grateful I got to share it with Danny."
Implications for LGBTQ+ Aging and Mental Health
Helen’s journey highlights a critical reality in the discourse surrounding the LGBTQ+ community: the unique vulnerabilities faced by LGBTQ+ seniors. Often referred to as the "forgotten generation" of the AIDS crisis, these individuals frequently deal with layers of trauma, lack of traditional family support, and the complexities of aging in a society that is only just beginning to acknowledge their specific needs.
Shanti’s LAASN program acts as a vital intervention, mitigating the "social determinants of health" that disproportionately affect this demographic. By fostering intergenerational and diverse connections—including friendships between people like Helen and Danny, who come from different backgrounds—the program breaks the cycle of loneliness that can exacerbate health issues in the elderly.
Helen notes that this friendship has fundamentally altered their perspective on social dynamics, specifically regarding straight men. The empathy and generosity shown by Danny have dismantled long-held biases, replacing them with a newfound appreciation for the capacity of individuals to provide support across identity lines.
The Modern Definition of Pride
As Helen looks toward the future, the meaning of Pride has undergone a total transformation. It is no longer a public performance, but a private, resilient act of survival.
"Shanti adds life," Helen says, reflecting on the weekly visits, the shared meals, and the simple, carefree laughter they now share with their volunteer. "Shanti provides life in situations that are very dark—but also moments that are light, that are fun, and that are carefree."
In the contemporary context, Helen’s story serves as a reminder that the LGBTQ+ movement is not just about political rights; it is about the fundamental human right to be accompanied through the darkness. Pride, in its most profound iteration, is the act of staying beside someone when the rest of the world has moved on.
For Helen, Pride today is quiet. It is rooted in the identity they finally claimed for themselves and the community that held them up when they could not stand. It is a testament to the idea that even after the greatest losses, life—if nurtured by empathy and connection—can bloom again. As the colors of the Pride flag wave, Helen reminds us that the most significant colors are the ones we paint onto our own lives through the connections we forge and the grief we navigate, together.
About the Author
