For many, Pride is a month defined by parades, rainbow-colored streets, and the boisterous celebration of communal visibility. However, for Helen Lawson, the meaning of Pride has evolved from a public display of shared love to a deeply personal exploration of identity, loss, and the quiet, profound power of human connection.
Following the death of their partner of 31 years, Wallace Greene, in 2024, Helen found themselves navigating a period of profound isolation. Yet, it was within this crucible of grief that they discovered a newfound liberation in their own non-binary identity. Through the intervention of Shanti’s LGBTQ+ Aging and Abilities Support Network (LAASN), Helen has transitioned from the depths of a self-imposed reclusion back into a life marked by intentionality, companionship, and a redefined sense of self.
A Legacy of Love: The Chronology of a Life Shared
The story of Helen and Wallace began in 1992, in the aisles of a neighborhood grocery store. It was a modest start—a simple, knowing nod exchanged between two strangers—but it blossomed into a three-decade partnership defined by mutual devotion. For over 30 years, their relationship was the cornerstone of Helen’s identity. They built a domestic life together, shared in the milestones of the LGBTQ+ community, and navigated the changing landscape of queer history side-by-side.
The Turning Point: Loss and Identity
The year 2024 marked a tragic shift. When Wallace passed away, the resulting grief was not merely an emotional hurdle; it became an existential crisis. Helen retreated from the world, becoming what they describe as a "recluse." This withdrawal severed their ties to the community that had once been their sanctuary.
However, in the stillness of that isolation, a internal transformation took root. "In my grieving, I came out as non-binary, which was very liberating," Helen reflects. This revelation provided a new lens through which to view their life. While they continue to use the name Helen, they now identify as non-binary and use he/they pronouns. This evolution of self has fundamentally altered their relationship with the concept of Pride. "My partner of 31 years was my Pride," they explain, noting that the external celebration has been replaced by an internal anchoring—a celebration of surviving and evolving.
The Role of Peer Support: Bridging the Gap
The journey back to the world was not one Helen took alone. Recognizing the fragility of their state, they sought support through Shanti, an organization dedicated to providing emotional and practical assistance to individuals facing life-threatening illnesses, disability, and, crucially, the isolating effects of grief.
The Presence of Danny
At the heart of Helen’s recovery is Danny, a Peer Support Volunteer with Shanti. Their relationship is a testament to the efficacy of the "peer-to-peer" model, which focuses on meeting individuals exactly where they are, without agenda or pressure.
The support provided by Danny transcended the traditional boundaries of volunteer work. When Helen and Wallace’s 12-year-old cat, Bright Eyes, reached the end of their life, Danny was there. In a poignant act of solidarity, Danny accompanied Helen to the veterinary clinic, reading aloud from The Goodbye Book—a narrative dedicated to navigating the complexities of love and loss. This moment served as a cornerstone for their bond, proving that support is not merely about logistics, but about bearing witness to one another’s pain.
A Second Chance at Remembrance
One of the most significant milestones in Helen’s healing process involved a theater production. Years prior, Wallace had taken Helen to see a specific play. At the time, Helen had been struggling with substance use and was unable to fully engage with or appreciate the performance—a regret that lingered for years after the curtain fell.
When that same play returned to the city following Wallace’s passing, Danny encouraged them to attend together. The experience was transformative. Sitting in the audience, Helen was not just watching a play; they were engaging in an act of reconciliation with the past. "I was grateful to have a second chance," Helen says. "I felt deeply connected to Wallace. I wish I got to experience it with Wallace—but I’m grateful I got to share it with Danny."
Supporting Data: The Impact of LGBTQ+ Isolation
Helen’s experience is not an anomaly; it is a reflection of a broader, often overlooked public health concern. According to data from the LGBTQ+ Aging and Abilities Support Network (LAASN) and similar advocacy groups, older LGBTQ+ adults are significantly more likely to live alone and lack a traditional support system compared to their heterosexual, cisgender counterparts.
- The Isolation Factor: LGBTQ+ seniors are twice as likely to be single and three to four times less likely to have children, leaving them more vulnerable during periods of bereavement.
- The "Chosen Family" Dynamic: While the LGBTQ+ community relies heavily on "chosen family," the loss of these figures in later life can trigger a unique form of "disenfranchised grief," where societal structures may not fully recognize or validate the depth of the loss.
- Volunteer Impact: Peer support models like Shanti’s have been shown to reduce depressive symptoms in isolated seniors by up to 40% within the first year of intervention, primarily by fostering a sense of "witnessed existence."
Implications for Future Care and Community
The story of Helen and Danny highlights a critical need for structural support in the queer community, particularly as the generation that fought for early gay rights begins to age.
Professional Perspectives
Experts in gerontology and LGBTQ+ advocacy point to the "Shanti model" as a blueprint for the future. By moving beyond clinical care and focusing on the human need for consistent, empathetic companionship, organizations can bridge the gap between medical needs and psychological well-being.
"When we talk about Pride, we often focus on the youth or the activists on the front lines," says a program coordinator at Shanti. "But there is a quiet, vital work being done by volunteers who simply show up. Helen’s journey shows that you can rediscover joy, but that it often requires a bridge—a person who is willing to walk with you through the dark until the light returns."
Conclusion: A Redefined Pride
Today, Helen’s life is defined by a weekly rhythm of connection with Danny—laughing, sharing meals, and helping with the practicalities of apartment life. Their friendship has even shifted Helen’s perspective on the world, including a newfound appreciation for the empathy of others.
"Shanti adds life," Helen says. "Shanti provides life in situations that are very dark—but also moments that are light, that are fun, and that are carefree."
For Helen, Pride has moved away from the loud, crowded streets and toward the quiet, enduring nature of human loyalty. It is no longer just about the right to exist in public; it is about the right to be cared for, the right to grieve fully, and the right to find a new version of oneself after the world has been irrevocably changed. By embracing their non-binary identity and allowing themselves to be supported, Helen has not only survived the silence of their grief but has found a new language for love—a language that is inclusive of the past, the present, and the people who choose to stay.
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